Flash Fiction Contest Winner!

Today it's my privilege to publish Tim Knopp's winning story. Vonda and I have absolutely loved reading this stories and I'm certain this contest will become an annual event. Not sure what I"m referring to? Here is the first and the second about our first annual, Flash Fiction Contest!


'Til Forever
by Tim Knopp
Morning cast her golden countenance over the room rescuing Eric from a fitful sleep.  His lower back twinged as he rolled to where his wife should lay.  Empty.  Had she slept?  Or like him had she tossed until the night kindly dragged her away?  The coolness of the sheet suggested she hadn’t waited for morning’s coaxing to rise.  Throwing back the blanket, Eric stretched on the edge of the bed unsure how his comforter had been so inappropriately named.

He stepped on stiff legs to the dresser by the bedroom door.  A framed picture of his wife held a tiny note in its crook, and he lifted them both to his tired eyes.  Funny, he thought staring at the picture, how the years had aged her without his noticing.  She had outgrown the homecoming queen of his memories.  Still, a beautiful woman was a beautiful woman, and he thanked the Lord for such blessings.

Pulling the note from the frame, he opened the bedroom door.  A half dozen strangers occupied his living room, some lounging their grey heads on his couch, others in white uniforms moving busily around the place.

“Hey,” he called, his voice hoarse and dry.  “What’s going on here?”

A small, middle-aged thing approached him.  The tag on her uniform read “CLEARVIEW RETIREMENT”.  “Oh, Mr. Stewart.  Good morning.  Have you read your wife’s note yet?  That usually helps.”

Confused how this woman would know of his wife’s note, he gazed at the paper held in his shriveled fingers.

“God doesn’t just love; He is Love,” Eric read aloud.  “Remember that when you can no longer remember me.  Yours ‘til forever, Eva”.

The tear of a half-memory soaked the faded note.  Eric smiled at the nurse in bittersweet recollection, just as he had each morning for years.

Flash Fiction Contest Winners!

Today, I'm posting our Second Place Winner in the Upstate Fellowship of Christian Writers Flash Fiction Contest! Not certain what's going on? Read Friday's post here and get up to date!


Soraya
by Marcia Moston

Soraya Rasheeb closed her mind to the metallic stench of blood and raw meat that settled on her hair and lined her nostrils. She plunged her latex-gloved hand into the cavity of the chicken and tugged at its innards before the conveyor belt delivered the next clammy carcass.

“Listen, Sugar, this isn’t exactly the fine jewelry department at Macys. I ain’t gonna get my black butt fired cuz of you. Yank them things out of there and get goin’.”Sweat beaded on Latisha’s smooth dark skin. She was one of the women from the shelter who was thankful to have landed a job, even if it was at the chicken factory. Next to her was Lori. Both were rebuilding lives that had been shattered by drugs, men or misfortune.

Soraya nodded and pushed the chicken down the line. She remembered a time when strands of fine jewelry had slid through her fingers, when someone else cooked her meals and washed her clothes, a time when … she pushed the memory away. It was best forgotten. They were all refugees of one sort or another now.

A commotion snapped her out of her reverie.

“Hey, whatcha doin? You okay?”

A silver-haired woman stumbled away from her spot in line. Her slurred words incoherent. She swayed and then fell onto the conveyor belt, her hand catching in the rollers before the emergency switch shut down.  Blood squirted from her wrist as she lay unconscious.

A yelled, “Someone Help her!” failed to mobilize the shocked group standing there in their white paper jackets and hair nets. “Can’t somebody do something?”

Slowly, like an emerging photo in dark room, a memory surfaced, took form, propelled Soraya Rasheeb, gifted doctor from Kabul Afghanistan, to action.

“I can.”

Flash Fiction Contest Winners!

Yesterday, we announced the winners of our first ever Flash Fiction Contest at our UFCW Christmas party. Today I want to let you know who they are.

Drumroll please...







First Place
Lori Roeleveld for
Old Soldiers Never Die


Second Place
Marcia Moston for
Soraya


Third Place
Tim Knopp
'Til Forever


And we decided to add an honorable mention because the scoring was so incredibly close:
Honorable Mention
Jen Bobo for
Her Favorite Thing


The next few weeks you'll be in for a treat as we publish some of the winners. Today we're starting with Lori's first place offering.

Old Soldiers Never Die
by Lori Roeleveld

Grandma’s been hearing critters in that attic. See anything, boy?” Howard took a step up the ladder, wincing when it creaked.

“Not one more move, Howard. Leave it to Tommy.” Alice hollered.

“Fine.” He grimaced but then Tommy’s feet appeared. “You got something?”

“No squirrels, but I found this.” He passed down a rectangular package wrapped in Christmas paper.

Howard set it down, bracing the ladder as the teen descended.

“Did I spoil someone’s surprise?” Tommy asked.

Howard sniffed, shaking his head. He folded up the ladder door.

 “What gives?” Tommy asked.

Howard put a finger to his lips and motioned him into the study where he gently unwrapped the G.I. Joe action figure. Tommy examined it then raised his eyebrows, puzzled.

“I bought it for your father when he was, I don’t know, ten.” Howard nodded toward the door.

“You know how your grandmother feels about war toys but, it was all Dennis wanted that year. I meant to surprise him.”

“What happened?”

“Got word on Christmas Eve about my brother. Vietnam was almost over but no one told the land mine that took Trevor.” Howard paused. “Guess I just forgot about it.”

Tommy ran a finger over the clear plastic window. “Dad told me Uncle Trevor’s death is what made him decide to become a missionary, did you know that?”

Howard nodded. “Losing someone young changes you. Made his mother proud.”

“Funny.” Said Tommy. “When he died in that church fire in Indonesia, Grandma said he was a casualty of war.”

“Battle for the kingdom.” Howard sighed. “Keep the toy soldier. Maybe it’ll remind you that we’re all soldiers on a vast battlefield. Always remember what you’re fighting for, Tommy.

Howard watched his grandson flip over the little tag still taped to the box.

“Merry Christmas, son. Love, Dad.”

Be sure to visit Lori on her blog, Deeper With Jesus in Rhode Island. 

UFCW First Annual Christmas Contest - Flash Fiction

What is Flash Fiction? Basically, it’s a story that can be read while drinking a single cup of coffee.

So, let's get those creative juices flowing!

• Deadline: Sunday, November 27, 2011

• Word Count: 300 words

• Theme: The Forgotten Gift (Yes, this theme is vague, we did that on purpose. We wanted to encourage your creativity—not limit it.)

The contest is open to all UFCW members and friends, so feel free to share the link!

First, Second, and Third place winners will be chosen. Entries to be judged anonymously, with winners being announced at our Christmas party in December. The winners and their stories will also be published on our UFCW Web site in January.

Ready to get started?

• All entries must be submitted in Times New Roman, 12 pt font, double-spaced.

• Email your entries to Cathy Baker at tea4thee@charter.net as a separate Microsoft Word document (.doc, we will NOT accept .docx). No PDF’s or other file types will be accepted.

• Send your entry as an email attachment WITHOUT your name anywhere on it.

IN the body of the email include:
Your name
Title of Story
Email Address
Telephone Number

Plan to tweet about the contest? Use the hashtags: #ufcw #write #FlashFiction

I've Finished My First Draft - Now What?

I talk with lots of writers who struggle with the editing process. It leaves them feeling overwhelmed and confused. Many are uncertain of where to begin. As a professional editor, I have a specific process I follow, whether I’m working on a client’s manuscript or my own. There are a lot of things to look for in a manuscript and I’ve found that it takes multiple editing passes to catch everything. I take things in small bites—editing no more than a chapter at a time. I also go from the big issues to the small details. Here are the steps I go through when I’m getting a manuscript ready for publication.

First Pass – I make certain that each scene (if there’s more than one per chapter) has strong conflict and is necessary to move the story along. I’m ruthless here—good writing alone NEVERjustifies a scene’s inclusion in the finished product.

Second Pass – I check my timeline and the sequence of events. I make sure everything is logical. For example, I look to see if I have a character giving a response before an event happens. 

• Elisa jumped when a loud pop echoed in the chamber.
• The loud pop echoed through the chamber and Elisa jumped, knocking her head against the back of the chair.

In the first example the reader sees Elisa jump then reads about the pop.
The second example puts things more logically. 

During this pass I also check to see if I have a balance of speaker beats and speaker tags. 

Third Pass – I check for passive writing. I do a search for the word was and study each usage to make certain it’s past tense—not passive tense.

• Stuart was walking across the yard.
• Stuart walked (or better yet, strolled) across the yard.

Was Walking is passive in the first example.
In the second example the verb is much stronger.

Fourth Pass – I look for telling, instead of showing. These are some clue words I search for:

• Felt
• Remembered
• Knew
• Watched
• Saw
• Looked
• Was
• -ing words
• -ly words

These words let me know that something might be wrong.

Fifth Pass – I look for times when I’ve named emotions instead of showing them. 

• Bethany felt panic course through her system. Had she waited too long?
• Bethany could feel her nails cutting into her palms as she fisted her hands. Had she waited too long?

In the first example I name the emotion – panic. In the second example I let Bethany’s actions lead the reader to her emotional state. The first example also has a clue word—felt—that would help me see that changes need to be made.

Sixth Pass – I look to see if each scene contains all five senses. 
Here are two senses I had to add to the scenes I was working on.

• Substandard lighting and circulation led to the lingering odor of sulfur mixed with leaching compounds. At almost two clicks beneath the metropolis the noxious haze, unable to dissipate, lingered to burn the throat of any unfortunate worker.
• Dawn had broken, but instead of beauty, a dank haze hung over the city. He could still taste the metallic bite in the polluted air.

Seventh Pass – I read the entire chapter out loud, making notes about whatever hits me as slightly off.

This is the process I always use. It won’t catch everything, but it gets me a long way down the road. After going through these seven steps I set the chapter aside and move on to the next one. This gives me my second draft. 

There are many good books out there on this subject, especially Self-Editing for Fiction Writers  by our own Dave King. All I’ve done is break the process down into one I could replicate with any manuscript. What are some tricks you use when you’re in the editing process?


Blessings,
Edie

January 13 Meetings Are Cancelled

His Will for My Heart in 2011

My dear friend, Linda Shepherd, author, speaker, and founder of the Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, recently shared some words of wisdom with me. She has given me permission to share them with you.

"After a word from the Lord, [a friend] and I have been working hard to ‘remove the sin that hinders.' It's a good word, a word that requires a thorough search of one's heart. I've searched and I continue to do so. And as I've confessed revealed sins, I've seen God show up.

Today, as I was reading the book, The Stronghold of God by Francis Frangipane, I read this:

'What we become to Him is far more consequential than all we shall ever do for Him. He wants our love and companionship. Indeed the Scriptures tell us that he ‘jealously desires the Spirit which He has made to dwell in us' (James 4:5). Thus, if our devotion to our task exceeds our devotion to Him, He will personally hinder our success. It is out of love that God delivers us from the unanointed momentum of our zeal. He intentionally dries up our vigor. The Lord insists that our success not originate from our strength but from our union with Him.'

Wow, what powerful words. How careful we must be not to worship our work, but to seek instead a way to more powerfully abide with Christ."

I have to tell you, friends, I don't know Francis Frangipane or his ministry, but this passage spoke volumes to me. The paragraph Linda quoted actually begins with, "God has always been more concerned with the condition of our hearts than the activity of our hands."


Even though we seek to serve Him with everything we do, it's so easy to get caught up in the activity of the hands and forget the condition of our hearts. I admit it. Sometimes I struggle by allowing the job to come before the joy of knowing Him intimately; the project to come before the purification of my heart; the calendar to come before the call to holiness.


I confess my sin to you today. But more importantly, I confess it to my Father. Like David, I cry:

Create in me a pure heart, O God,
       and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Do not cast me from your presence
       or take your Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your salvation
       and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
       and sinners will turn back to you. Psalm 51:10-13

Then. Then I will teach others. Not before the cleansing and the renewing and restoring. But after. After everything else is in order...only then can I teach others about His mercy, His goodness, and His grace.


Oh God, create in me a clean heart in 2011!


Blessings,
Vonda

Today's post is shared by Vonda Skelton, Co-founder of the Upstate Fellowship of Christian Writers.